Contemplation

Ever wonder off to a distant place, caught in a daydream either in the future or the past? Sometimes I find myself reliving past memories over and over again almost dissecting them to try and solve a problem or reassure myself that I showed up correctly in situation. If I felt I showed up incorrectly I sit and puzzle over what effect it potentially had on others. I seem to always be trying to establish right and wrong and sometimes judge myself if I find myself on the wrong side of my own judgement. How could I improve, how could I show up better next time, how could I look better in the eyes of others, always wanting to please others, mostly at my own expense. How many times have you dismissed yourself and your own needs within a situation just to keep the peace or be seen as a good person? These are unfortunately patterns we inherit from childhood as coping mechanisms to handle certain uncomfortable situations, sometimes they can run so deep that even once you are aware of the pattern, it becomes extremely difficult to overturn and create new healthier patterns. Next time you find yourself wondering off into a far off place, bring awareness to what loop you are running, I may just lead you to a part of you needing some care.